Last Fall

(Note: I began writing this post before my mother's health took a turn for the worse. She passed away on August 2nd and her services were yesterday, August 5. As I was finishing this today, I could feel the emotional drag on my life as well, having now lost both parents in the span of less than 5 months.)

Doris and I were together with some people from church the other evening and they had read the "Why Sabbatical" posting on this blog (the first posting, actually, which hopefully you read) and they asked "So what was going on last fall." They were referring to this statement, "There have been times (most recently just last fall) when I came close to "throwing in the towel" and hanging up whatever it is Brethren pastors hang up when they quit."

I gave them a very brief answer and said I was thinking of blogging on this, since I guessed that others would have the same question. So here goes...

Last year in late summer I was really struggling. The bottom line was that I was looking to the wrong things and listening to the wrong voices. As usual, God led me to what I needed to get me through and to reorient my thinking. Here is a bit of what was going on.

If you are connected to ECOB you will remember that on 18 May 2008 we held the Sacred Assembly (based on Joel 2). That event was the culmination of about 2 years of rather intense spiritual struggle as a congregation. Specifically, our Lenten series that Spring dealt with understanding the spiritual strongholds that often invade our lives. That series was based on the life of Jesus and the numerous encounters he had with entrenched spiritual powers of a negative nature. After the Lenten series, I preached a sermon entitled "A spiritual Journey" in which I both outlined the spiritual struggle we were facing as a congregation and called for a new way of measuring our ministry. I called this a "Spiritual Yardstick." We then began a second series entitled "Demolishing Strongholds" which laid a practical foundation for the Sacred Assembly.

The Sacred Assembly of May 18, 2008, had a number of very positive outcomes for our congregation. I can now, and actually could last summer, recognize them. But it also affected the congregation in ways that on the surface could appear negative. Although our attendance, after growing steadily for a number of years, began to decline a bit two years earlier, the focus leading up to Sacred Assembly and the day itself, took a significant toll on attendance. This, naturally, has had a ripple effect on the congregation in a number of ways. Now, more than a year past the Assembly, most of us can easily see the positive benefits of this journey on the congregation; but last fall was a different matter for me.

Even though I had preached that we would begin using a different "yardstick" for measuring the health of the congregation, I admit I was still using the wrong one--at least in part. On top of this, I was very weary from the spiritual battles of the last two years, and some of the not-so-spiritual struggles with some aspects of the life in the congregation. I was not the only one feeling this--we were all weary after the Assembly--but in many ways, as the Senior Pastor, I was the primary one. No doubt my spiritual strength, or lack thereof, was a major factor in this low time in my life.

In the midst of this Tim left to pastor his home congregation at Parker Ford. This had an impact on me and on the congregation. I had conversations with a number of people, helping them through the grief process of Tim's departure. But who was helping me? And then the congregation very unexpectedly lost John Good. I had just that spring co-taught a course with John and I picked him up nearly every month for the Ministry and Evangelism Commission meeting on which John served. It is hard to explain, especially since I really did not hang out with John on much of a social basis, but his loss really had an impact on me.

So late summer and early fall of 2008 found me really low, both spiritually and emotionally. I really did contemplate resigning and doing something else with my life. Fortunately, I do have abilities and experiences that would enable me to do other things. Actually, I had two offers last summer to move on; one to pastor a church in another denomination, which was tempting, and another to return to the mission field. It is funny how God will test you when you are weak. Anyway, God was faithful during this time, and he pulled me through. He provided a number of things for me that made a difference.

First of all, there was a book. Sometime over the summer I had picked up a copy of The Pressure's Off by Christian counselor and leader Larry Crabb. I have this book listed on this blog's sidebar as recommended reading. It is a must read. It was exactly what I needed. His thesis is a simple one (though the book is a bit hard to read at times). Crabb asks, Are you following Jesus for the blessings or is experiencing the Presence of God enough? He shows how if we are in it for the blessings--and we know we are when we expect God to give us things (like the good life) and do things for us (like keep us happy)--we will never be at peace with God. But if we realize that God owes us nothing and that his Presences in our life is all we really need, and we seek that instead of the blessings, it takes the pressure off and we can live a different way.

Wow! I knew this, even preached it, but last fall I was not living it.

Secondly, a few of us from church attended the Willow Creek Reveal conference in Chicago. During the sessions there were speakers who seemed to be speaking directly to me. This conference was all about focusing the church on its primary mission of discipleship, even if it means the church becomes smaller in order to become more faithful. I needed to hear nationally known pastors talk about this and challenge us to get our focus right. And the worship at Willow was wonderful. I could feel my soul healing. I know sometimes we may wonder if the cost of sending some people to a conference like this is worth it. In this case, it saved me from leaving the ministry.

Thirdly, some people were key in my life during this time. As always, my coach, Geoff Davis, was very helpful. Also, some of the staff at church and those who attended the Willow Conference with me, were excellent support.

As a result of my struggle and the way God spoke during this time my mind and my heart changed. I was able to again come to church focused on God and what he had led me to share, and focused on the needs of the people who were there, and not to look at the numbers. It was an extremely freeing experience, and I am much healthier today.

In many ways I needed a Sabbatical more last fall than I do now. However, If I would have taken one last fall, I would have needed the time for emotional and spiritual healing and would not have been able to focus much on my own spiritual growth and what the congregation needs in the future. This fall, even though I am still very tired spiritually, I am in a much better place than last fall and I will be able to use the Sabbatical time much more wisely.

Unlearning Church

I have preached and written about the need for the church--ECOB in particular, but all churches in general--to move away from being program based to relationally based. Another way to say this, is to move from seeing church ministry as running a bunch of programs to seeing the church's ministry as building intentional relationships with people. Lying at the root of this transition is the belief that our mission as a church is to make disciples, and discipleship happens most effectively through intentional relationships of spiritual accountability.

This shift has significant ramifications for the church. Of course the church will always run programs, but the goal of such programs in this new paradigm shifts. Instead of asking questions like "how many people were involved in this program?" or "was it done professionally?" or "did it run smoothly?" we need to ask "did people grow spiritually?" or "did the program provide opportunity to build relationships with people that allow us to walk with them on their spiritual journey?" or "were people better equipped in one of the tree "R's" of discipleship?" (Relationship with Jesus, Responsibility for themselves, Reaching out to others).

I recently came across an article entitled "Unlearning Church" by Pastor Mike Slaughter. (See the link on the side bar under "Some Other Good Stuff.) Mike pastors Ginghamsburg United Methodist Church which was one of the early mega-churches in our nation. Ginghamsburg has been on the cutting edge of using technology in worship and basically set the stage for much of what happens in many mega-churches today. I have been there for worship several times and have a friend who is very active there. It is a great church. Mike's article looks deep into present day church culture and challenges us to move toward a focus on discipleship. I encourage you to read the article.

My vision for ECOB is that we become much more of an intentional disciplemaking community. We are in the process. God is shaping us for increased effectiveness in the coming age. While on Sabbatical--especially during the last third of it--I will be working on some specifics related to what it means for ECOB to move forward into this vision. The ramifications of this on how we currently perceive of church, measure our success, deploy our people, focus our staff, run our programs, and just about everything else, will be significant. But then, can you dream with me of what it would be like to be a church that is very present in our community, where regularly new people are connecting who have never been in church before, and they are invited into meaningful relationships with believers who are committed to walking with them on their Christian journey, where every one of us assumes our responsibility to be the people of God in mission to each other and our world? Wow! That is the church Jesus envisioned and died for, and that is the church we are becoming.

Sabbatical Plan

The following post outlines what my goals are for my Sabbatical which will occur, God willing, August 31st through November 29th, 2009 (returning to work on November 30th).

The focus of my Sabbatical grows out of the things that I have sensed have been going on in my life for the past several years. I have addressed those the previous post entitled "Why Sabbatical."

A Focus on the Holy Spirit

I have felt the drain of ministry most significantly on my own spiritual resources. In the past, I have found spiritual vitality most consistently through solitude, the focused and in depth study of the Word and the fueling of my personal relationship with God through the indwelling of his Spirit. Therefore I want to spend a significant amount of time during the Sabbatical working through the New Testament teaching about the vital nature of the Holy Spirit and how it is that he transforms us and empowers us. I have had a sense in recent years that I have had somewhat of a disconnect on the intimacy level of my relationship with Jesus, and I hope through study, prayer and meditation, to recover this, or better yet, to experience it anew in even greater ways.

My primary source for this part of my sabbatical, other than the Bible, is Gordon Fee's academic work, God's Empowering Presence (1994: Hendrickson). I have wanted to work through this when it was first published (wow! 15 years ago already) and never have. Fee is not only one of our best NT scholars, but is a Pentecostal from the Assembly of God church. His insights and exegesis have been hugely helpful over the years.

This "Holy Spirit journey" might also include revisiting some places/people who have been instrumental in my walk with God in the past (like the International House of Prayer in Kansas City).

Prayer support in this area would be welcome. And if you wish, you could get this book and read it with me. It is a heavy tome; however, Fee has condensed and summarized it in a book for wider readership, entitled Paul, the Spirit and the People of God (1996: Hendrickson), which will be a much easier read.

Developing Strategic Plans for the continued transition of ECOB into an Intentional Disciple Making Community

I have been working with the leadership of the church on an overall vision and strategy for becoming an intentional disciple making community of believers. This overall vision is well formulated but specifics of it need to be worked on and developed for interpretation to the congregation. I would hope to come back from Sabbatical with some specific plans on how to proceed.

My personal study of the Holy Spirit's ministry dovetails at this point. I have preached and have written about the fact that the church is essentially a pneumatic (the Greek word for spirit) community, formed by the Spirit, led by the Spirit and empowered by the Spirit. At least, this is God's intention for the church. Today, the real presence of the Holy Spirit among us, in our worship and meetings and families, seems to play, at best, a minimal role in our community, rather than the dominate role. I want to be open to God changing this at ECOB.

Seeking a Fuller Understanding of God's Movement in my life

A second item, related to the above, is my quest to seek a deeper and fuller understanding of how God has been moving in my life during the past few years. To do this, I am hoping to connect with a Spiritual Director. I have been in conversation with the leadership of our local Catholic Church. The Catholics have a rich tradition in the art of spiritual direction and so I have gone there for help with this. Spiritual Directors are not counselors but rather "discerners" who listen to your heart and help you discern the movement of God. I am not sure if our how this will come together, but I am pursuing it.

I would welcome prayer support in this area, as well.

Continued Growth in my Self Awareness and Leadership Skills

I have met regularly with Leadership Coach Geoff Davis for personal direction and development and holistic health, and will continue to do that before, during and after sabbatical. Geoff helps me look both at how I manage my life and how I lead with integrity.

Down Time and Fun Time

Of course, Sabbatical will be a time to have some fun and do some things that I cannot normally do. The constraints of pastoral ministry (always on call and weekends being "prime time") take its toll over the years. I expect that near the beginning and end of the Sabbatical period, Doris and I will hit the road for some time off and to be together. My plan as of now is to take off on or about September 7 for a 2 week road trip following the Seaway trail from Massena, NY, to Springfield, PA, along the St Lawrence Seaway, Lake Ontario and Lake Erie. The route passes 29 lighthouses, of which I want to photograph every one, as well as numerous historic landmarks, museums and other attractions. And then at the end of the Sabbatical, Doris and I will do a mini time away for our 36th anniversary, which is November 24th.

Of course there will be some time for family and for tinkering on my car.

Worship

You might wonder where I will worship during this time. Good question. I would love to worship at ECOB, but you and I both know that if I do, I would be too easily drawn back into the responsibilities of work. You should expect to see Doris from time to time, however. I plan to worship consistently at one of our area churches. I'll let you know which one later.

Blog

I desire to post regularly to this Sabbatical Blog leading up to and throughout the sabbatical time. I welcome you to journey with me via this format. You can enter your email address on the right to receive new posts to this blog right in your email. I would especially welcome prayers during this time.